H.M. was just diagnosed with cerebral palsy.
Upon hearing the news, I was completely shocked. As the neurologist spoke of leg braces, crutches, wheelchairs, lack of coordination, speech impediments and a lifetime of physical therapy, my hopes and dreams for my son having a normal life slipped away from me. My head was spinning. Later than night, alone in the car with S.G., I completely lost it for the first time since we've had H.M. home. I sobbed as I pictured my friendly, sweet little man offering friendship to peers and being mocked and heartbroken in return, for things completely out of his control.
Then we got pizza and movies and crashed on the floor of our apartment, because what else could we do that night?
The next day I made an appointment to talk with H.M.'s pediatrician about the diagnosis.
The head doctor at the NICU H.M. spent his first few months at was one of it the most amazing people I've ever met. S.G. and I nicknamed him Dumbledore, because whenever things seemed really scary and bad, he would show up and fix everything. He would never lie or sugar coat the facts, but, somehow after talking with Dumbledore, the world seemed a lot less frightening.
Happy Monkey's pediatrician is like that as well.
My awesome mother in law brought up a story she read awhile back about a mother of a special needs child describing the moment she found out her child wasn't going to be "normal". She described it as planning a trip to Paris. You pack with France in mind. You're excited to see the Eiffel Tower and the Louvre. You get on the plane and watch the ocean pass underneath you, daydreaming about eating fancy French pastries in a small cafe. Then the plane lands and you are shocked to discover that you are not in Paris, or even France.
You have arrived in Holland. At first you feel upset. You won't get to eat crêpes. You won't be perusing the latest French fashion. The phrases you carefully learned for conversing with the natives are not likely to be very useful.
Discovering that there is no way for you to get to Paris, you leave the airport, head hanging low. You wander around for a bit, trying to come to terms with your situation. Then you look up and you see this:
You are startled by how wonderful it is. You begin to keep your head up as you continue to walk. Soon you come to this scene:
You are amazed by your surroundings. You have never seen anything so beautiful before! Smiling now, you continue on, only to encounter this:
You laugh from the surprise of this discovery. A castle? In Holland? You had no idea!
You decide that you like it here in Holland. It is different from France, but you never regret ending up in Holland.
Now, I just have to realign my expectations, and enjoy the view from where Heavenly Father has placed me.
